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This Week
Dillon Would Have Won With No Defense At All
Dillon lost to Josh 108.68 to 105.78, and the whole thing came down to Monday night. He left the Eagles D/ST in his lineup for Monday Night Football, and they finished at negative six, the worst start in the league this week. Dillon lost by 2.9. He did not need a better defense. He needed no defense at all. An empty slot scores zero, and zero would have won him the game by 3.1. Instead Jaxon Smith-Njigba's 31.3 went straight into the hole the Eagles dug, and Dillon has now lost five straight and sits dead last at 1-6.
Then there is Raffi, who scored 52.4. Fifty-two points, in PPR, with a full lineup of employed NFL players, less than half of what he put up two weeks ago and the second-lowest score anyone has posted all season. Patrick Mahomes started at quarterback, threw a BLT and finished with 6, which means Raffi's kicker, Will Reichard, outscored his quarterback by double with 12. Nico Collins went 2.6. Jaleel McLaughlin went zero. The Patriots D/ST, official defense of a team called Kraft loves Israel, went negative one, and the only Kraft who showed up all day was Tucker, whose 14.8 at tight end made him the best player on the roster. Brandon won by 42.1, and Aaron Rodgers watched every minute of it from the bench with 13.08.
Alex has now won four straight and is 4-3, and this column has stopped pretending it is his doing. He scored 76.46 this week, 44.6 under his projection and the worst miss in the league, and won. Line his scores up against the whole league every week and he is 32-59, good enough to deserve 2.46 wins. He has four. His luck rating of +1.54 is the best in the league by a distance. So, effective immediately, this column will be referring to Alex's team as The Schedule, because that is who has actually been winning these games. The Schedule started Christian Kirk for zero this week while KC Concepcion put up 23.2 on its bench, the same Concepcion this column called Alex's lifeboat in Week 1, benched in six of seven weeks, started once for 7.9, then benched the very next week for 23.2. The Schedule is 4-3 and one tiebreak out of a playoff spot.
The Schedule's victim this week was Ryan De, whose team is named after Adonai Mitchell. For six weeks Ryan De kept Adonai on the bench, which looked like cowardice in Week 2 and like wisdom ever since, because Adonai went on to score zero in Weeks 3, 4, 5 and 6. This week, with the zeros stacking up, Ryan De finally put him in the lineup. Adonai scored zero. Five straight zeros, and Ryan De picked the fifth one to start him. He lost 76.46 to 74.36, the closest game of the week, with Kayshon Boutte on his bench holding 3.5.
Jeremy is your worst manager of the week. He benched 32.46% of his ceiling, scoring 85.74 of a possible 126.94 and leaving 41.2 points on the bench in a 17.68 loss to Ronan. The worst call was Tyler Higbee for 3.4 while Colston Loveland put up 19.9 on the bench, and Loveland is no longer a mistake, he is a system. Jeremy has started him twice and gotten 1.3 and 3.9. He has benched him four times and watched him score 7.1, 11.7, 18.5 and 19.9. At this point Jeremy should set his lineup and then do the opposite.
Ben took the high-score bonus with 160.98, the second-best score of the season, with a perfect lineup, not a single point left on the bench. He beat Ryan Du by 70.66, the biggest blowout of the year, and has more points than anyone in the league at 876.04. Zay Flowers went 27.7, CeeDee Lamb 24.4 and Bucky Irving 24. Credit where it is due: he set his lineup correctly and got out of the way. Ryan Du finally started Tony Pollard at the right time, and Pollard went for 36.5, the best start in the league. It did not matter even slightly.
Jacob beat Zach 136.58 to 99.98 and is 2-0 on him lifetime. Luther Burden III, whom this column publicly told Jacob to bench two weeks ago, went for 23.7, his best game of the season. Jacob did not listen, Jacob was right, and that will not be discussed further. Zach, Jacob and Tom are all 5-2, with Zach ahead of Jacob by 0.44 points of total scoring. Tom has won three straight and finally picked the right quarterback, starting Caleb Williams for 22.12 over Sam Darnold and Tyler Shough, who both stayed under 14. And Raffi, after all that, is still holding the last playoff spot at 4-3, with The Schedule right behind him.
Ryan De, the man has scored zero five weeks in a row. Change the team name.
STANDINGS 1. Zach 5-2, 857.38 2. Jacob 5-2, 856.94 3. Tom 5-2, 755.02 4. Ben 4-3, 876.04 5. Brandon 4-3, 782.56 6. Ronan 4-3, 779.62 7. Raffi 4-3, 709.66 8. Alex 4-3, 685.64 9. Ryan Du 3-4, 718.78 10. Ryan De 3-4, 701.84 11. Jeremy 3-4, 695.44 12. Wesley 2-5, 772.16 13. Josh 2-5, 747.78 14. Dillon 1-6, 709.76
WEEKLY HIGH SCORE BONUS Week 1 - Zach, 152.6 Week 2 - Brandon, 131.68 Week 3 - Jacob, 140.34 Week 4 - Jacob, 170.96 Week 5 - Ryan Du, 142.3 Week 6 - Zach, 135.94 Week 7 - Ben, 160.98
Generated 10/27/2026, 11:24:12 AM · claude-code
Weekly high score bonus
2026 — worst manager of the week
One title per week, to whoever benched the largest share of their best legal lineup · 7 weeks judged. Eliminated playoff teams are never nominated.
2026 standings
Line marks the playoff cut — top 7 of 14.
Archive
Recap2026 Wk 6Ben Lost By 0.36 Because He Will Not Bench Dak PrescottRead →
Brandon beat Ben 85.28 to 84.92. That is a 0.36 point margin, the closest game of the season, and Ben had the answer sitting on his bench the whole time. He started Dak Prescott, who threw two meatball subs and went for 11.02. This league charges two points per sandwich, so Dak handed four points to a game Ben lost by 0.36. Either meatball sub alone would have been enough. Kirk Cousins scored 18.52 on the bench. Cousins has been on Ben's roster for three weeks and has outscored Dak in all three of them: 22.6 to 18.1, then 13.72 to 12.64, and now 18.52 to 11.02. Ben has started Dak every single week of the season. And Brandon won while starting DJ Moore and Cam Skattebo for a combined zero, which means Ben lost by a third of a point to a team playing two men short. It is Brandon's first win over Ben in four tries.
Jacob is your worst manager of the week for the second week running, which makes two straight losses and two straight titles for a man who started the season 4-0. He benched 28.24% of his ceiling, scoring 76.18 of a possible 106.16 and leaving 29.98 points on the bench, 38.48 under projection in a 15-point loss to Raffi. The worst call was Rashod Bateman, who started and scored zero, while Jaylin Noel put up 20.7 on the bench. Noel has been on Jacob's bench for all six weeks of the season. This was his best game yet, and Jacob watched it along with everybody else. First place went with it.
It went to Zach, who is alone at the top at 5-1 and took the high-score bonus with 135.94 in a 14.68 win over Josh. Trevor Lawrence went for 27.34, his best game of the year. Zach has started Lawrence over Geno Smith all six weeks out of pure spite, and for once the spite paid better than the alternative. Better still is Kyle Pitts Sr., whom Zach started for the first three weeks for 0, 2.5 and 1.5. Zach benched him in Week 4, and Pitts has gone 7.7, 15.2 and 23 since, improving every single week he has spent away from Zach. This week Pitts was the best benched tight end in the league.
Spare a thought for Josh, who scored 121.26, the third-best total of the week, and still lost his fourth straight. He is 1-5 with a luck rating of -1.62, the worst in the league, and the best start of the entire week was on his roster: Christian McCaffrey, 30.7. Which brings us to Dillon, also 1-5 and dead last after losing 100.6 to 91.22 to Jeremy, his fourth straight loss, with A.J. Brown starting for 5.7 while Tre Tucker scored 26.7 on the bench. Dillon has hated Christian McCaffrey ever since McCaffrey got hurt for a whole season the year Dillon finished last. McCaffrey is healthy now. He is just doing it for the other 1-5 team.
Alex has won three straight, the latest a 128.74 to 67.08 demolition of Ronan in the biggest blowout of the week. Ronan's 67.08 was the lowest score of the week: Jameis Winston started at quarterback and threw two Reubens for 6.48, and Juwan Johnson and the Bills D/ST each chipped in a zero. The defending champion started 0-3. He is 3-3. He is also one of seven teams sitting at 3-3, and with seven playoff spots and four of them held by Zach, Jacob, Raffi and Tom, those seven teams are fighting over three seats. Ben, Brandon and Ronan hold them for now on points. Ryan Du, Ryan De, Jeremy and Alex are right behind them.
Ben, Kirk Cousins is right there. He has been right there for three weeks.
STANDINGS 1. Zach 5-1, 757.4 2. Jacob 4-2, 720.36 3. Raffi 4-2, 657.26 4. Tom 4-2, 635.5 5. Ben 3-3, 715.06 6. Brandon 3-3, 688.06 7. Ronan 3-3, 676.2 8. Ryan Du 3-3, 628.46 9. Ryan De 3-3, 627.48 10. Jeremy 3-3, 609.7 11. Alex 3-3, 609.18 12. Wesley 2-4, 663.16 13. Josh 1-5, 639.1 14. Dillon 1-5, 603.98
WEEKLY HIGH SCORE BONUS Week 1 - Zach, 152.6 Week 2 - Brandon, 131.68 Week 3 - Jacob, 140.34 Week 4 - Jacob, 170.96 Week 5 - Ryan Du, 142.3 Week 6 - Zach, 135.94
Recap2026 Wk 5Jacob Went From The Best Week Of The Season To Worst Manager In Seven DaysRead →
A week ago Jacob put up 170.96, the best score of the season, and took the high-score bonus for the second week running. This week he scored 79.42, the lowest score in the league and 40.79 under his projection, and lost to Wesley by 41.56 in the biggest blowout of the week. Wesley did that while starting Lamar Jackson and Travis Kelce for a combined zero. It also makes Jacob your worst manager of the week: he benched 23.84% of his ceiling, scoring 79.42 of a possible 104.28 and leaving 24.86 points on the bench. The worst of it was Luther Burden III, who started and went for 8.9 while Jaylin Noel put up 15.2 on the bench. Burden has been the worst call in Jacob's lineup in four of the five weeks this season. Jacob has started him all five.
Zach went down the same afternoon, 132.74 to 96.24 against Ronan, so there are no unbeatens left. Ronan finally started Jared Goff, Goff went for 28.94, and Ronan is now 2-0 on Zach lifetime. This column spent two weeks waiting for that move, and it took exactly one start to win a game. Jacob and Zach are still on top at 4-1, but the top of the table finally has a pulse.
Ryan Du, a three-time worst manager of the week, took the high-score bonus with 142.3. He beat Brandon by 17.18, beat his own projection by 30.51, and has now won three straight behind 32.3 from Christian Watson and 30.5 from Josh Allen. The worst manager in the league is 3-2, seventh, and just got paid. He is also 3-0 on Brandon lifetime, a number Brandon would prefer nobody say out loud.
Alex has won two straight and is out of last place after beating Raffi by 3.58. That is not the story. The story is the tight end. Every team name Alex has used this season has started with the word Likely. Isaiah Likely has been on his roster for all five weeks. Alex has started him once. This week Likely scored 32.4 on the bench, the best benched tight end in the league, and Alex won anyway because Malik Nabers, the other half of the team name, finally showed up with 29.1. Back in the preseason this column made fun of Alex for refusing to commit to the word Likely. Turns out he was not hedging. He was benching.
Closest game of the week was Tom over Josh, 108.84 to 106.8, a meeting of the eleventh- and twelfth-best scores in the league. Last week Tom started Sam Darnold over Tyler Shough and Shough outscored him. So this week Tom started Shough, and Shough scored negative 0.16 while Darnold put up 8.3 on the bench. Tom has now been wrong about the same two quarterbacks in both directions. Josh lost his third straight after starting Ladd McConkey, who scored zero for the second week running, and benching Courtland Sutton, the man he could not stop starting for three weeks, who went for 9.8. Josh has finally figured out Courtland Sutton. He is about a month late.
The bottom of the table now belongs to Josh and Dillon at 1-4. Dillon and Raffi both played perfect lineups this week, not one point left on either bench, and both lost. For Dillon it was 126.26 to 115.38 against Ryan De, his third straight loss, and he is now dead last, the same seat he held in 2024, the year that ended with him dragging a Disney Princess roller backpack around for two weeks. Jeremy snapped his three-game skid behind 39.46 from Drake Maye, the best start of the week, one week after benching him, and Jeremy is 3-0 on Ben lifetime. Brandon has 602.78 points, more than three teams above him, and sits eighth at 2-3.
Jacob, bench Luther Burden. That is the whole note.
STANDINGS 1. Jacob 4-1, 644.18 2. Zach 4-1, 621.46 3. Ben 3-2, 630.14 4. Ronan 3-2, 609.12 5. Raffi 3-2, 566.08 6. Tom 3-2, 529.3 7. Ryan Du 3-2, 528.06 8. Brandon 2-3, 602.78 9. Wesley 2-3, 585.66 10. Ryan De 2-3, 539.28 11. Jeremy 2-3, 509.1 12. Alex 2-3, 480.44 13. Josh 1-4, 517.84 14. Dillon 1-4, 512.76
WEEKLY HIGH SCORE BONUS Week 1 - Zach, 152.6 Week 2 - Brandon, 131.68 Week 3 - Jacob, 140.34 Week 4 - Jacob, 170.96 Week 5 - Ryan Du, 142.3
Recap2026 Wk 4Alex Finally Won A Game And It Took The Worst Score Of The SeasonRead →
Tom's team is called Nailed it. Tom scored 51.52. That is the lowest score anyone in this league has posted all season, and it came off a projection of 107.6, a 56.08 point collapse that is also the worst of the year. Rachaad White started and gave him zero. Sam Darnold went 13.32 while Tyler Shough sat on the bench with 15.94. And the man on the other side of all that, the man who got to walk away with the win, was Alex.
Alex is on the board. He scored 105.88, beat Tom by 54.36, and hit his projection for the first time all season, by 0.48. Savor it, because here is the table: Alex won a football game and is still fourteenth. He has 345.46 points, the fewest in the league, and every other 1-3 team outscored him on the tiebreak. The defending champion finally cashed a ticket and the payout was a comped breakfast.
Ryan Du is your worst manager of the week for the third time in four weeks. He benched 36.11% of his ceiling, scoring 84.22 of a possible 131.82 and leaving 47.6 points on the bench, the worst of it being Emeka Egbuka for 3.3 while Romeo Doubs went for 23.8. Alex took the title in Week 2, and that is the only thing standing between Ryan Du and a perfect record. He won anyway, with the eleventh-best score out of fourteen, because the man across from him was having an even worse afternoon.
That man was Josh. Closest game of the week, 84.22 to 79.92. Josh started Terry McLaurin, who scored zero, and Ladd McConkey, a former Strib Club member, who also scored zero, which is two starting receivers putting up the same number as a guy who stayed home. Jakobi Meyers scored 6.3 on his bench. Josh lost by 4.3. He got beaten by the worst manager in the league by being slightly worse at the exact same job.
Up top, nobody is touching the two unbeatens. Jacob is 4-0 and has taken the high-score bonus two weeks running, this time with 170.96, the best week anyone has had in 2026, and he beat Brandon by 62.88 in the biggest blowout of the week. Tetairoa McMillan went for 45.2, the best start in the league, with Kyren Williams adding 36.7. Brandon, for the record, was projected 129.67, the highest number on the board, and scored 108.08. Zach is 4-0 right behind Jacob after putting 60.14 on Ryan De, and Raffi is 3-1 and fourth on fewer points than both 2-2 teams directly below him.
Wesley got his first win in style, 154.38, 34.11 over projection, and Jeremy was the one standing in front of it, losing by 59.3 for his third straight loss. The worst part is the quarterback Jeremy benched: Kyler Murray started and went 11.48 while Drake Maye scored 26.16 on the bench, the best benched quarterback in the league. Ben is 3-1 and third after a 140.6 to 127.68 win over Ronan, with CeeDee Lamb going for 41.3. Third place in October has historically been Ben's favorite place to stand right before falling through the floor.
Tom, you named the team Nailed it and then posted 51.52. Even the emoji is embarrassed.
STANDINGS 1. Jacob 4-0, 564.76 2. Zach 4-0, 525.22 3. Ben 3-1, 513.7 4. Raffi 3-1, 434.68 5. Brandon 2-2, 477.66 6. Ronan 2-2, 476.38 7. Tom 2-2, 420.46 8. Ryan Du 2-2, 385.76 9. Wesley 1-3, 464.68 10. Ryan De 1-3, 413.02 11. Josh 1-3, 411.04 12. Dillon 1-3, 397.38 13. Jeremy 1-3, 370.14 14. Alex 1-3, 345.46
WEEKLY HIGH SCORE BONUS Week 1 - Zach, 152.6 Week 2 - Brandon, 131.68 Week 3 - Jacob, 140.34 Week 4 - Jacob, 170.96
Recap2026 Wk 3Ryan Du Drafted Two Quarterbacks And Still Started The Wrong OneRead →
Ryan Du spent two of his first five picks on quarterbacks precisely so he would never have to sweat the position. This week the position needed a decision, and he got it wrong. Josh Allen started and went for 17.46. Brock Purdy sat and went for 31.28, the best benched quarterback in the league, and with Tony Pollard's 13.6 rotting right beside him, Ryan Du swept two of the four benchwarmer awards by himself. That makes him your worst manager of the week: he benched 24.92% of his own ceiling, scoring 111.86 of a possible 148.98 and leaving 37.12 points sitting down. He bought insurance, the insurance paid out, and he never cashed the check. He still won by 35.38, because he was playing Alex.
Alex is 0-3. His 76.48 was the lowest score of the week, the second time in three weeks he has owned that line, and it came in 32.81 under projection, the worst miss in the league. Here is the part that should end his season early: his best possible lineup was 78.48. Raffi posted the second-worst score of the week at 81.14. Alex could have made every call right — every start, every sit, a flawless Sunday — and still finished dead last. That is not bad management. That is a roster filing for bankruptcy. Ryan Du is 3-1 on him lifetime, and at this point the only thing Alex is defending is last place.
Jacob took the high-score bonus with 140.34 and needed nearly all of it, beating Josh by 6.56 in the closest game of the week. Josh scored 133.78, third-best in the league, and lost, which is the kind of Sunday that makes a man uninstall the app at a red light. Jacob's all-play record is 34-5, which is the sound of a man who is not getting lucky. Bo Nix went 24.14, Harold Fannin Jr. 24.1, and Jacob is 3-1 on Josh lifetime.
Raffi named his team Kraft loves Israel and then started the Patriots D/ST, who scored zero. Robert Kraft owns that defense. Raffi rostered the man's actual football team and the man's actual football team gave him nothing back. He finished with 81.14, 31.2 under projection, and Ryan De put 46.74 on him in the biggest blowout of the week, led by 41.4 from Jahmyr Gibbs, the best start in the league.
A public service announcement for three men who clearly do not read this column. Zach started Trevor Lawrence over Geno Smith again, 19.78 to 26.04, also started the Packers D/ST for negative six, and still beat Ben by 8.04 to go 3-0. Ronan started Jalen Hurts over Jared Goff again, 12.62 to 19.36. Josh started Courtland Sutton again, 7.6, this time over Jakobi Meyers and his 19.4. There is a rule in this column that the same joke cannot run two weeks in a row. These three have figured that out and are hiding behind it.
Up top, Jacob and Zach are the only unbeatens. Down below, Wesley and Alex are the only teams without a win, and only one of them has earned it. Wesley has 310.3 points, more than Raffi at 2-1 and Ryan Du at 1-2, and he lost this week with the sixth-best score in the league, 121.74 against Ronan's 134.72. He did start Rome Odunze for 7.4 while Matthew Golden put up 21 on his bench, so the schedule is not carrying all of the blame. Brandon has won two straight after beating Jeremy 127.1 to 97.02, and Tom is now 5-2 on Dillon lifetime after a 114.46 to 90.1 win.
Raffi, next week just start Robert Kraft.
STANDINGS 1. Jacob 3-0, 393.8 2. Zach 3-0, 381.34 3. Ben 2-1, 373.1 4. Brandon 2-1, 369.58 5. Tom 2-1, 368.94 6. Ronan 2-1, 348.7 7. Raffi 2-1, 308.48 8. Josh 1-2, 331.12 9. Ryan De 1-2, 329.28 10. Ryan Du 1-2, 301.54 11. Dillon 1-2, 287.04 12. Jeremy 1-2, 275.06 13. Wesley 0-3, 310.3 14. Alex 0-3, 239.58
WEEKLY HIGH SCORE BONUS Week 1 - Zach, 152.6 Week 2 - Brandon, 131.68 Week 3 - Jacob, 140.34
Recap2026 Wk 2Jeremy Renamed His Team The Strib Club Is Closed And Then Proved ItRead →
Jeremy renamed the team The Strib Club is Closed, which would be a hell of a bit if it were not just a medical chart with a logo. Stribling is on injured reserve. Dobbins is questionable. McConkey is limping. His two healthy stars got ruined from the outside anyway — Drake Maye lost his best receiver, Justin Jefferson lost his quarterback — and Jefferson went from 31.2 in Week 1 to 8.5 in Week 2. Total damage: 61.32 against a 116.72 projection, while Josh hung 113.38 on him for the worst beating of the week. And before anyone starts a collection, his best possible lineup was 72.42. The bench was empty too. The club is not closed. It was condemned.
Alex has renamed his team too. It is now called Likely to dart black nabers. He then started Jaxson Dart for 0.8 and Malik Nabers for 1.1. He named his franchise after two players and those two players handed him 1.9 points between them. He is your worst manager of the week, and not on a technicality — he benched 34.91% of his own ceiling, scoring 79.6 of a possible 122.3. The man he sat to start Nabers was Jaylen Waddle, who went for 21.8 — the same Jaylen Waddle who scored 1.2 for him in Week 1. He finally gave up on the guy the exact week the guy showed up. Alex is 0-2 with 163.1 points, dead last for the second Sunday running, and he is the defending champion.
Ryan De's team is called Adonai Michell superbowl MVP!!!. Three exclamation points. He benched Adonai Mitchell, who scored 12.3, in order to start Kenny Gainwell, who scored 4.5. He is running a tribute act to a player he will not put in his lineup. He was also projected for 121.58, the highest number in the league, and turned it into 95.64. Zero and two.
Josh beat Jeremy by 52.06 and I still have a note to read out. In Week 1 he started Courtland Sutton for 3.1 while Stefon Diggs put up 15.5 on his bench. This week he started Courtland Sutton for 5.5 while Stefon Diggs put up 21.7 on his bench. Same two men, same wrong order, two weeks in a row. At this point it is not an oversight, it is a relationship.
Zach is 2-0 and did it this week with the eighth-best score out of fourteen, which is the sort of thing that catches up with a man. He also started Trevor Lawrence for 6.16 over Geno Smith, who scored 15.58 from the bench. Zach has hated Geno Smith since the three-interception game and has apparently decided he would rather lose points than forgive him. The grudge is now a line item.
Brandon takes the high-score bonus with 131.68, beat Ronan by 33.32, and beat his projection by 18.56 — and he did all of it while starting DJ Moore for negative 0.1. Jonathan Taylor went 29.2, Stafford 26.98, Dalton Schultz 26. Ronan, for his part, got minus four from the Lions D/ST, a clean zero from Marvin Harrison Jr., and left Jared Goff and his 29.78 on the bench to start Jalen Hurts for 16.16. Brandon is 4-1 on him all-time.
Four teams are unbeaten: Zach, Ben, Jacob and Raffi. Four are winless: Ryan De, Ryan Du, Wesley and Alex. The cruelest seat belongs to Tom, who has the third-most points in the league at 254.48 and sits fifth at 1-1, because Raffi caught him for 124.68 on the one week Tom went for 116.22. Dillon got 42.5 out of Jaxon Smith-Njigba, the best individual score of the week, and quietly climbed to 1-1.
Alex, you are last again, you are 0-2, and your team name is now just a list of the two guys who did it to you.
STANDINGS 1. Zach 2-0, 262.16 2. Ben 2-0, 261.96 3. Jacob 2-0, 253.46 4. Raffi 2-0, 227.34 5. Tom 1-1, 254.48 6. Brandon 1-1, 242.48 7. Ronan 1-1, 213.98 8. Josh 1-1, 197.34 9. Dillon 1-1, 196.94 10. Jeremy 1-1, 178.04 11. Ryan De 0-2, 201.4 12. Ryan Du 0-2, 189.68 13. Wesley 0-2, 188.56 14. Alex 0-2, 163.1
WEEKLY HIGH SCORE BONUS Week 1 - Zach, 152.6 Week 2 - Brandon, 131.68
Recap2026 Wk 1Zach Got Paid For A Lineup He Actively SabotagedRead →
Zach put up 152.6, the best score in the league, beat Brandon by 41.8, and takes the first weekly high-score bonus of 2026. He did not earn it. His optimal lineup was 191.4. The all-time high in this league is 186.8. The biggest week in Shmini Shmart history was sitting on his roster, fully assembled, and he looked at it and started Carnell Tate for 7.8 over Jalen Coker's 33.8. He left 38.8 on the bench. He also started Kyle Pitts Sr., who scored zero, which at this point is less a lineup decision than a personality trait. The league is now cutting this man a check.
Now to the main event. Alex is the defending champion. Alex was projected for 118.25, the highest projection in the league, and scored 83.5, the lowest score in the league — a 34.75 point collapse, the worst miss on the board by a mile. He started Jaylen Waddle for 1.2. He started the Chargers D/ST for a clean zero. And here is the part I cannot get over: his single best available fix was benching Waddle for KC Concepcion, who scored 7.8. That was the lifeboat. That was the rescue operation. Even playing a flawless lineup Alex maxes out at 109.6 and still loses to Jeremy, who beat him while his own kicker scored one point. Jeremy is 3-0 on him lifetime now and has never needed to break a sweat doing it.
The biggest blowout was Jacob over Dillon, 130.04 to 86.56, and Dillon does not even get to be mad about his lineup. His best possible score was 91.76. He was about five points off perfect and still lost by 43.48. That is the purest result of the week: a man played his roster correctly and the roster was worse than Jacob's in every arrangement available to him. Jacob is 3-0 against him all-time and has never once had to try.
Closest game was Raffi over Ryan Du by 11.6, and it is the dumbest loss on the board. Ryan Du got 35.66 out of Josh Allen, the second-best individual score in the league, and lost anyway to a guy who put up 102.66. The reason is one roster spot. He started Colston Loveland, who scored zero, while Dallas Goedert put up 23.7 in street clothes. One tight end decided that entire game.
Wesley lost with the seventh-best total in the league, which is bad luck, and also started the Texans D/ST for negative four points, which is not. A defense that reaches into your team and takes points back out is a rare and beautiful thing to watch happen to somebody else. Then look at Tom, who got minus one from the Browns D/ST and 3.2 from Ja'Marr Chase, an actual catastrophe at the top of his roster, and still hung 138.26 on Ryan De because Caleb Williams went for 37.26. Tom finished 2.5 off his own optimal lineup. He was the only manager in the league who did his job.
The table below reads seven at 1-0, seven at 0-1, and it is already being unfair to people. Raffi sits seventh at 1-0 on 102.66, which parks him above both Wesley at 111.96 and Brandon at 110.8 — two men who scored more and got nothing for it. And sitting fourteenth out of fourteen, dead last in the league he won, is the defending champion.
Which brings us back to Josh, who has spent a full calendar year telling anyone within earshot that he got robbed — that he posted a good week in the playoffs and still lost by 50 to Alex. Josh opened 2026 by scoring 83.96. Alex scored 83.5. They are thirteenth and fourteenth, the two worst scores of the week, and they managed it in separate games against separate opponents, which frankly takes coordination. They also own the two largest projection collapses in the league: Alex at 34.75 under, Josh at 29.72. Ronan beat him 115.62 to 83.96 for the third time in three tries while Josh started Courtland Sutton for 3.1 and left Stefon Diggs and his 15.5 to watch from the couch.
So the grudge is alive and it is finally symmetrical. Josh, you have spent a year insisting Alex stole something from you, and Week 1 says the two of you are the same guy. Get lunch. Split the check down the middle, 83.96 to 83.5.
STANDINGS 1. Zach 1-0, 152.6 2. Ben 1-0, 140.9 3. Tom 1-0, 138.26 4. Jacob 1-0, 130.04 5. Jeremy 1-0, 116.72 6. Ronan 1-0, 115.62 7. Raffi 1-0, 102.66 8. Wesley 0-1, 111.96 9. Brandon 0-1, 110.8 10. Ryan De 0-1, 105.76 11. Ryan Du 0-1, 91.06 12. Dillon 0-1, 86.56 13. Josh 0-1, 83.96 14. Alex 0-1, 83.5
WEEKLY HIGH SCORE BONUS Week 1 - Zach, 152.6
Preview2026 Wk 1Ryan Du Drafted Two Quarterbacks And Ben Is Already Thinking About JanuaryRead →
Ryan Du took two quarterbacks in the first five rounds. Five. In a league where you start one of them. The Durbin Daddies are apparently running a quarterback room, and Week 1 hands them Raffi, the man who once hung 124.04 on Jared in a single week in 2025 — less a win than a felony with a box score stapled to it. They are 1-1 all-time. Ryan Du, you may want to ask one of those quarterbacks to play receiver.
Then there is Ben, who opens against Wesley. Ben has had good teams for years and has done absolutely nothing with them, folding every single time it actually counts, and now he draws the one man on this board with zero head-to-head history — no meetings, no record, no evidence he can do anything at all. Wesley also named his team Wesley. Thirteen guys took a swing at a joke and Wesley filled out a DMV form. If Ben loses to a man who could not be bothered to think of a team name, we are going to hear about it all season. He probably will. He always does.
Alex is the defending champion and has named his team Likely an immaculate conception. Likely. The man won a title and still would not commit to his own bit. He opens against Jeremy, who is 2-0 on him lifetime — though the regular season has never been Jeremy's problem. Ask him about January sometime.
Dee Diggins at Pancake Muncha, where Jacob is 2-0 lifetime. Genuinely cruel scheduling, given Dillon spent two weeks of 2024 wheeling a Disney Princess roller backpack around as the league's designated loser. Nobody with that on his record gets to name a team Pancake Muncha and expect a quiet Sunday.
Speaking of which, Zach — who still has to eat his way through a stack of genuinely disgusting pancakes as the 2025 punishment — brings Goof Troop to Brandon's Beans squad. Lowercase s. Could not be bothered. Brandon is 1-0 all-time, the thinnest ownership claim in league history, and he is bringing it up in the group chat before kickoff regardless. Elsewhere Tom and Ryan De are 1-1 with no angle whatsoever, except Tom named his team Micro Penix and has already done the hard part of my job for me.
Ronan draws Josh and owns him 2-0. Ronan also holds the highest single week this league has ever produced, 186.8 in 2024 Week 9, which he has spent every week since not coming remotely close to. It stopped being a record a while ago and became a thing he brings up at the bar to people who did not fucking ask.
Everybody is 0-0 and gorgeous and undefeated for exactly one more week. Ben, savour it — this is the only part of the season you have ever been good at.